Intentions don't build relationships but Actions do

"Didn't I tell you it doesn't make sense this way. You should be doing it the other way"

OR

"What was your thinking in approaching the situation this way. Here is another option to consider, that could work faster based on x y, z reasons. It may make you more effective. What do you think."

Feedback, whether to a child or a senior team member, can either be given from the vantage point of shaming (former example) or from the vantage point of compassion (latter example).

Compassion is based on understanding the other's perspective, explaining them your logic, and having patience for the time it takes for the receiver to move the needle.

Shaming is based on "do it because I know better" mindset and lack of patience.

In the moment, it's difficult to realise which vantage point are we coming from, for the intentions of both the approaches maybe genuine uplift in the person's performance. However, our intentions don't build relationships but actions do.

Sometimes getting feedback on how you give feedback is important to realise how you are faring. For the shaming approach distances the receiver and often creates a rift, while the compassionate approach builds sustainable change and stronger bonds.

At home we often get this feedback from immediate family. At work, we need to actively and genuinely seek this feedback from people around us.