Supporting Vs. Interfering

There is a fine line between supporting someone and interfering in what they are doing. This applies as much in our personal lives as it does at work.

Supporting someone is really about being there and providing enablers (be it resources/ perspective/ confidence/ clarity) that help them get over the line with regards their goals. It helps them move forward.

Interference is when the support offered is consistently more than the support sought it becomes frustrating for the person getting support! Interference is support gone wrong.

One would think it would be an obvious distinction. Yet, at times, our families or even teams may view our actions as being interfering rather than supporting.

1. Unsolicited support

People have different yardsticks of how they would like do something, and therefore different expectations of where they need support. When support is offered in areas that people are either disinterested in or feel capable of handling themselves (even if they may not be capable from your perspective) they view it as interference. This is the classic issue that happens with teenagers, where parents support is viewed as interference.

2. Need for Support is an evolving spectrum

People evolve along the way, and so does their need for support for the same thing. For instance, I was teaching my son to make a paper airplane the other day. For the first 2-3 times he appreciated my supported. But after the 3rd time he wanted to do this on his own, even if the plane wasn't coming out exactly right. This isn't too different from what happens at work. We support a colleague in doing some analysis. She appreciates the thoughtfulness. However, if we continue to do so month on month, asking her to do it our way, she will view it as interference and not support.

2 things can help as we walk this line of fine balance

1. Aligning with the person you are supporting on the need and extent of support they would like.

2. Keeping channels of communication open to revisit the extent of support needed over time so that the person can feel independent and experience progress.

#2021musings #supporting #interference #buildingteams #mentoring